This week’s Southern Charm kicked off with an accomplishment that almost never came to fruition, a graduation of sorts. This week we watched as Craig Conover graduated law school…via email. The wholesome family celebration with Craig’s parents via Facetime was heartwarming, though not much really came out of it. Gizmo (the cat) once again stole the show and poor motivated-but-bitter Naomie was barely missed at all. Now that we know Craig actually goes on to pass the bar, only one question remains on my mind, Why the hell is Craig’s desk smack in the middle of the living room? The world may never know.

I am also thrilled to announce that his majesty Gizmo eats the same cat treats that my cats do. Stars, they’re just like us!

I don’t think anything says more about Craig’s current romantic situation than Naomie’s reaction to the news of his graduation. First of all, who orders a Miller Lite? Second of all, let Craig pretend his accomplished isn’t tainted by his own self destructive tendencies for like 5 minutes before you rain on all over his parade. It’s Southern CHARM not Southern Dream-wrecker. That celebratory dinner was just about as fun as the dentist, and we all had to suffer through it together. If I have one hope for this couple it’s that they don’t listen to Patricia’s BS psychic and run for the hills.

If any of you were wondering, Cameran’s story-arch this episode was brought to you by HomeGoods. Cam went to the store this week with Chelsea as part of her remodel. Cameran and her design guru, who seems to be super turned on by guns, made a day trip for us to enjoy and for HomeGoods to get some airtime. Cameran is building a Zen room to take the place of her Mother-in-Law suite, which is honestly a really weird name for a guest bedroom. Is that a creepy southern thing? I suppose Mother-in-Law suites are nice in theory, but we call them guest bedrooms here in the North.

Speaking of creepy southern things, Shep is clearly in a downward spiral at the ripe old age of 37. We watched as he navigated his house, which was filled with empty beer cans, and we were treated to unfortunate close up of his fingernails. Horrifying isn’t even the word I would use to describe Shep’s hands, and he was not ‘TV ready’ by a long-shot. I hope one day a psychologist can study his nail biting habits and the two of them can finally get to the root of all his deep-seeded emotional issues.

Landon’s date with Thomas isn’t even worth bringing up, except to say this: that’s one revealing top for a girl who’s there to ‘let him down easy’. You can wear whatever you want with no judgments from me, I was just confused by it given the circumstances. Also, the older drunk lady at the table next to them is kind of my hero now. She should be the new star of the entire show. Drunk table-lady saw her opportunity for 15 minutes of fame and she went for it, and to that random lady I say good for you. I hope I see you again on TV drunk lady, and I like her better than all the cast members combined.

The episode closes with the lunch from hell. Honestly, this show should just be renamed “A Series of Uncomfortable Meals: A Bravo Story”. Kathryn is making amends with the cast, and she seems to think she can kill three birds with one terrible stone. What she wasn’t expecting was the 4th bird, Whitney, who is arguably the only person other than Thomas, who Kathryn has ever had an actual issue with. It was terrible for Cameran to bring along a surprise guest, but Whitney handled himself like a gentlemen and even took a joke! Maybe he’s not totally incapable of empathy after all.