Southern Charm Recap: The Quail and the Stale

All of the fun of Quail hunting, BUT ON TV!

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This week’s Southern Charm was another exhausting episode filled with obviously forced situations that few seemed to enjoy. The saving grace however, is the sheer amount of guns and alcohol that brought out the privileged southern frat-boy in everyone. The opening sequence was once again ruled by Gizmo who was busy licking Craig’s phone and loudly meowing. The cat remains to be the most under-used character in the entire series. Naomie is fine, and could absolutely do better, but Gizmo will forever be the best thing ever to happen to Craig Conover.

This episode left me with more questions than answers. For example, how far away does Shep live from Pat that he can run over to meet Whitney and barely break a sweat? Also, who taught Shep how to run? Can one week of not drinking really reverse liver damage? Another perfectly valid to as is why’s Craig’s desk in the dead center of the living room? The producers don’t seem to be trying any more.

Instead of attending a series of made-for-TV lunches and parties, this week cast focused on a quail hunting trip. The event turned out to be the most entertaining thing to hit Southern Charm since Thomas attacked all those people on a golf-cart. The first hilarious tidbit of the trip came from Trav himself, who we find out cannot go hunting with the rest of the group because he’s a felon and cannot be near a gun. I also thought it was hilarious that Pat thinks Landon should date Thomas, despite his criminal history, because “it takes a lot of money, honey.”

The shooting trip itself is a true comedy of errors. Cameran destroys a fishing pole, Craig almost shoots a dog (then vehemently denies it), and Austen is really good at killing birds despite not even knowing “what the f*ck a quail is.” It says a lot about Chelsea that she was so turned on by Austen’s natural hunting acumen. It also says a lot about her that she totally avoids the subject of their relationship while still in bed the next morning. She’s essentially female Shep, which is why Cameran’s fantasy Chelsea-Shep love connection would never work.

The post-hunt dinner was disturbing in many ways. Aside from everyone making Chelsea and Austen’s sex-life their own business, the entire group gets WASTED and takes the opportunity to embarrass themselves beyond repair. Shep can’t stop talking about the fact that he’s drinking, like it’s novel now, and Whitney is making high school level jokes about bodily fluids until the cows come home. The worst of the group is once again Landon (no surprise there), who takes the opportunity to be ALL OVER Austen despite the fact that he’s sitting right next to his kind-of-girlfriend. She way too mature for him, and way too desperate, and the whole thing is gross.

The highlight of the preview for “whats to come” is Kathryn C. Dennis, who seems to be back to her old self (hopefully minus the drugs), wearing crazy colored makeup and confessing her undying love to Thomas like a true, unbridled weirdo.

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