Television

Southern Charm Recap: Love Dolls and Liver Enzymes

This show could use more dog hauntings

The Southern Charm theme of the season seems to be “sadness,” and it remains in full swing in this week’s episode. This week’s show starts with Kathryn sitting by a body of water and feeding swans, because she isn’t allowed to feed her own children. The theme continues with Shep Rose, a 37 year old adult male, kicking a woman out of his house, and doing laundry. He is also busy discussing with his doctors about how he’s not in liver failure YET.

Next we have the Chronicles of Craig, which continue with Craig keeping Cameran waiting to show him a house that he’s interested in “buying” as a “rental property.” Can someone please just answer how Craig has the money to make a purchase like this? Especially after law school and a few years of general aimlessness, this kind of additional income doesn’t make any sense at all. Adding to the sadness of the situation is Cameran’s dismal martial advise. While she always looks bright and sunny, Cam’s input that marriage is a series of doing things you don’t want to do in order to “appease” one another, is enough to make even the most ring-hungry man or woman run for the hills.

Austen and Chelsea go on a date, and nobody cares. They conveniently mention that they haven’t seen each other since Shep’s birthday party (because they aren’t actually dating). Snooze.

In the best scene of the show, Cameran brings her witch doll to lunch with Shep, where she presents him with his very own, anatomically correct witch-doll. It’s supposed to bring love his way in the form of the world’s most boring survivor, Chelsea. I love that Cameran’s excuse for bringing her doll along is that the restaurant is “very haunted” by a dog. Her baby is going to hear some WEIRD bedtime stories, and I’m ok with that.

This week’s stop on the Kathryn apology tour is Shep, who invites himself to go to yoga class with her so he can physically interrupt her recovery while getting an eyeful of Lululemon-clad behinds. After class he attempt to casually bring up the “rehab thing,” which goes about as well as you’d expect before trying to relate to Kathryn by saying that he’s been sober this week. If there’s one thing you can count on Shep for, it’s a dad joke, and at yoga we’re treated to the “Namaleave” gem that was sure to inspired eye rolls from millennial Bravo viewers.

Dinner at Patricia’s house should be the highlight of the evening, key world being SHOULD. Alas the dinner is boring, and despite Whitney’s attempts to awkwardly bring up prenups, Thomas and Landon are still not getting together. My instincts want to blame the Anthropologie duvet cover Landon tried to pull off as a dress.

Craig and Naomie are fighting during the entire episode because Craig is Craig and Naomie is finally realizing that. I hold out hope for them because they look pretty together and I don’t want Gizmo to come from a broken home, but we’ll have to wait and see how everything shakes out.

Tags : Bravo