Southern Charm is slowly transforming from a show I love to a show I love to hate. All cast members, with the shining exception being Cameran, have become such intolerable narcissists it’s a miracle they even acknowledge when other people in the room. Like most episodes, this one revolves around parties, with the exception of any and all scenes involving Kathryn because she’s “doing what she needs to do.” The first party revolves around a polo match on Thomas’ plantation and is essentially Landon’s audition to become the next (and god-willing only) Mrs. Ravenel. Landon is very proud of herself for playing hostess, which for her includes greeting people at the door and overseeing caterers pour Tito’s into plastic cups. Landon then compares the success of the party to the fact that she’s always “killed it” career-wise, which is amazingly delusional. The caterers would have been fine on their own but for a woman of Landon’s IQ, this is an impressive feat.
Some gossip happens in between parties revolving around the world’s most boring love triangle, Shep-Chelsea-Austen; Naomi worrying about Craig’s future (AKA her future bank account) over pedicures with Cameran; and Craig’s inexplicable emotional investment in Thomas’ laissez-faire parenting style. The second party is Shep’s 37 birthday party, which takes places on a boat. They really should start taping Bravo’s reunion shows on boats so nobody can storm off, just a thought. Shep spent the evening simultaneously flirting with every woman on board while claiming he is not a giant man-whore, or as he says: the “town bicycle.” Shep may only be 37 but he has the vocabulary of a 75 year old yenta. This train of thought was brought on by the love-triangle-that-wasn’t, considering Chelsea pretty much chooses Austen right from the get-go.
Shep has his blue patterned birthday knickers in a twist because a girl he only kind-of liked picked someone else. His ego is clearly running the show on him and, like the pants, it’s not a great color. The voice of reason in this non-situation is surprisingly Whitney who instantly mentions that Shep would have done the same thing. Whitney also delivered my favorite line of the evening, “The Limehouse Bridge sucks!”, as Eliza and Thomas were comparing family bridges…as one does.